I take no comfort that Cleopatra and Queen Elizabeth I probably shared this suffering.

It is vile.

I don’t care one jot this is an illness that has toyed with mankind since time began, and really do think this nonsense about there being no cure is lunacy or a bare faced lie.

Day five of this common cold – and its name by the way is paltry – and I’ve ffffing had enough.

Be gone razor throat, bulging gunge-laden nasal cavities, and aching everything.

I have overdosed you in lashings of zinc, honey, ginger, garlic, and every cold/flu medicinal I can legally get my hands on.

(Not only do I look hideous but now also ‘hum’ likewise.)

But in blatant deviance you merely stuck your heels in and dispatched me to my bed for a day and a half with a rising temperature. Yes, you’re the illness that keeps on giving.

For something that every single one of us statistically succumbs to two to five times a year (double for kiddies) I cannot understand how and why you still have such a grip on humanity.

Our medical minds have banished far worse than you.

But alas no, according to the Common Cold Centre at Cardiff University, you are now enjoying your ‘golden age’.

Did you hear that Cleopatra and Elizabeth I? You have serious competition in your historical referencing…

Never mind that. Where’s my hot water bottle?